Positive Polly at your service!

People, including myself, are quick to name the negatives of their "illness" or "problem" but hardly ever the positives! I believe with every ounce of my heart that with each negative there's atleast one positive... Although it is alot of the times  VERY tough to see! I thought I'd give you a little jump start!

Positives about having H.I (my opinion)-

1.) Brought me closer to God.

2.) I talk to God frequently throughout the day.

3.) When girls have to pay money to go tan so they won't be so pale come summertime, I'm spendin that money on cute bikinis. ;)

4.) Girls have to blow dry their hair, which could take forever!... I put mine on the wig head, put it infront of a fan & go on about my business!

5.) I'm soooo in tune with my body, that could save my life one day!

6.) My state SEC football team are the Arkansas Razorbacks. Their main color is red! Lets just say- I'm a huge razorback fan! ;D woooo pig sooie!

7.) My skin got me out of doing P.E.

8.) It was an easy A for me in English class when I wrote a paper on it.

9.) I've learned to stick up for things & people that I believe in.

10.) I'll talk to anyone regardless of what they look like... Unless they drive a white van with no windows. ;)

People BS too much about pregnancy!

So I'm not trying to be a cry baby but these are NOT fun times! I'm only 5 weeks and 2 days and I've stayed sick since I woke up yesterday! Dizzy & sick to my stomach, bad!

I'm much better when I'm laying down not moving but as soon as I raise my head up, its bad again. I can't even get on Facebook, Twitter, etc. because as soon as I start scrolling up/down it maximizes times 20!  This is gonna be a loooong 8 more months if things don't get a little better.

Don't get me wrong, I looooove my little bug but she/he's kicking my booty! 5 weeks, two days &-
> Steadily sick to my stomach
> Dizzy
> hot
>gotta have air blowing on my face
>I'm crying about stupid stuff

Can't wait to see what else happens week by week! Lordy! Lol. Just keepin it in my mind that the end result will make everything more than worth it. :)

Bugs already givin us a heartattack!

About 5pm yesterday I started having alot of discharge then last night cramping began, it felt like I was going to start my period but a little more painful.

After attemptin to wake up Curt & failing, I called my best friend & asked if she'd take me to the ER, it may not be anything to worry about but I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to bug..

Chels arrived at our apartment about 7 minutes after I called.. She raced in the bedroom, woke Curt up with hardly any effort at all (probably had something to do with the fact she was yelling at him, haha!) we were headed to the hospital in no time. The hospital its 5 minutes away from us, tops! We were signing papers by 10:45pm.

After the nurse took my temp, blood pressure, random questions & asked a million rude questions about my skin, we were put in our room. They are the slowest ER people ever! Pretty good hospital but very slow.. Eventually I peed in a cup & gave blood TWICE. Here's a side note for ya, the second lady that took my blood had to be the rudest nurse I've ever seen in my life.. Let me tell ya! But this one by far outdid herself in the bitch contest.

First of all, I hate doin blood work, I always have! The first lady who attempted it, messed up so the hag-lady came in & gave it a whirl. My arm doesn't stretch out all the way, she obviously didn't understand that even after I TOLD her. She kept pulling my arm out to the point where it was hurting my skin & bone. Nurses never have too much trouble taking my blood from my arm! Then I told her jokingly "I'm a big baby when it comes to takin blood so I'll have to look away." She said "um if you're having a baby you'll need to be tougher than this" said this about 4 times in the 15 mins she was in my room. Okay, 1. I wasn't crying and acting stupid, just simply looked away and clinched my opposite fist! 2. I AM tough! I've been through more in my 19 years than people could imagine. Its not her job to decide whose tough & whose not. I'd like to see her fighting for her life multiple times because of something she has no control over & still maintain a positive attitude!

Anyway, hours later the blood work & urine sample came in & my hormones were good but they thought I might be having a tubal pregnancy. 30 mins later I was in the ultrasound room seeing my angels home, the gestational sac. But the baby was too small to see since I'm only 5wks 1day.

The doctor eventually came in after looking everything over and told me everything was perfect! Everything looked very healthy! :)
We're super blessed no doubt! Now I've gotta wait 24 days to go to the actual baby doctor, I'll be about 8 weeks then! Going on October 19th. Excited, excited, excited!

Lightening bugs & fireflies

I posted a quick entry stating that I'm pregnant but added very little detail so here it goes-

I'm PREGNANT!! :D According to my last period I should be 5 weeks, 4 days! Excited doesn't even come close to what I'm feeling. I've been on an emotional roller coaster since Friday... Crying because I'm happy, crying because I'm terrified, crying because I've not stopped crying. Haha its been crazy but great!

I've stopped dipping, taking my anxiety medicine & drinking coke all in one day just cold turkey. Between stress, hormones & my cold turkey approach- my body is hating me I bet! But it'll have to get used to it, its all for my little lightening bug!

I already love him/her so much its unreal (I'm almost sure its going to be a girl!). This is so much better than I ever imagined.. To know a whole other life is steadily growing in my tummy, feeding off me, relying on me is just so nerve racking to me.. Don't get me wrong, its fantastic but honestly I can't control my body except how I take care of it.

Here's another thing that makes me nervous, twins run in both of our families! Holy moly! 2? No way Jose, my nerves would be dangling on dental floss! Haha! If we have twins or if we don't it'll be greater than words could describe either way.

I've decided to start a pregnancy journal just encase my little sweetpea wants to read it when he/she grows up! Just documenting how the day went, how I'm feeling, what we're thinking, etc.. I figured it'd be a great keepsake! I'm also taking pics of my tummy every Friday.

In the spirit of babies I figured I'd post pics of me when I was little! :)

There's a baby in my tummy!

Friday night (9.22.12) we found out we were pregnant! 5 tests later we were 100% positive... I couldn't believe it was true! After adding everything up, I should be 5 weeks, 4 days. Excited!!!!!

I'm absolutely in love with my little lightenin bug already! I didn't even know that was possible? I knew it was after we seen the ultrasound but as soon as I found out? Woah. I'm making a doctors appointment for the beginning of next week. I'll be going to Memphis.

I can already tell in going to be an over protective mom. I'm quitting dipping (obviously), drinking coke since I'm prone to UTI's anyway & eating fast food that's meat isn't frozen- I'm not taking a risk of undercooked anything! Call me too careful if you want but this is my baby, I'm the momma & Curt couldn't agree more. We're soooo excited!
Keep us in yalls prayers please!
Ps.I bet it'll be a girl ;)

Living with Harlequin Ichthyosis

Disorder not a disease

I've written a post similar to this I think but I thought I'd get into more details now since I have time..
Living with H.I is no easy task... From my first appearance into this world I have been doubted, as soon as I was born the doctors told my mom that I wouldn't make it through the night, if I did I wouldn't last much longer.... After a few weeks they said I'd be VERY limited to what I could do and couldn't do. I stayed in the hospital for a good while since I was so prone to infections, dehydration, etc..I came home and  my momma took fantastic care of me, as well as my grandma.

Lets skip to Kindergarten- I started school at 5 years old and hated it at first! It had always been me and my mom so leaving her side for 8 hours seemed like torture to me. I cried every single morning then a little boy who I thought was the greatest boy ever because he made me laugh, bought me a Cabbage Patch Doll to cheer me up in the mornings.. I still have it! Kindergarten went fine, I learned to like it since I had no choice (haha!). The only negative comment I remember hearing was when another girl told my friend not to play with me because "I was yucky and if we touched the same things, she would get what I had." soon after hearing it another friend of mine quickly snapped back "WHATEVER! You're just a b*tch! Thats not true!!!" She said as she touched my arm. Probably not the best way to handle it but I believe she made her point.

First grade I started wearing wigs because I felt like it was easier to blend in.. Well the shiny red skin isn't too obvious, right? Shoot, put a blonde almost yellow wig on a red kid you'll hardly notice her! Before that I wore hats that matched my outfit perfectly! I grew up in the 90's so big floppy hats were my moms pick. Thanks momma. We talked to my teacher on the first day of school and she talked to the class before I went into class... Keep in mind I attended a very small public school that the same kids I went to Kindergarten with were the same ones in my Senior class, give & take a few.

Going out in public was and still is an adventure. My mom used to get SO mad at people when they'd stare, point, gasp, etc.. She would get very rude with them quick. I'm her baby! No mom wants their kid to have to endure humiliation, rudeness, down-right meanness. My momma def. didn't put up with it and would always tell me I have to stick up for myself no matter what and to not care what people thought of me because God made me how he wanted me and theres a reason for everything.  My hometown is VERY small so word got around over the years so when I'm home no one really looks at me too different anymore.

As I got older I started having a social life. Hanging out with friends at the local skating rink or bowling ally was a pretty regular Friday night activity for me. The nearest mall was 45 minutes away (in the town im living in now) and its a pretty big town. Needless to say LOTS of stares, gasps, whispers and pointing. As I got older it never really bothered me much but when it did, it 'ticked me off' more than it hurt my feelings. I've always been pretty quick to defend myself but when I was at the mall with friends or out to eat my friends are the ones that jumped to my defense. I still have to tell Nikki (one of my longest best friends) to calm down, I got this!

Its always frustrating in a new town because my skin condition is so rare, hardly anyone knows anything about it. I'm all about spreading knowledge about my skin disorder to anyone, thats the main reason for my YouTube channel and this blog. The problem is people dont ask, they assume! You know what they say about people who assume, dontchya? ;) They  alwats think I'm suburned, stayed in the tanning bed too long or have an awful spray tan.. Theres a million and three other assumptions out there but we're not getting to all of them! Very rarely does anyone actually ask about my skin without being a complete ass. Honestly, I'm not sure of a particular "nice" way to ask but nudging your friend to gawk at the red girl then whisper is a sure way NOT to.

In my old age of 19, I've learned some sure fire ways of getting them to stop with hardly any communication at all.. Because frankly, after you experience some peoples ugliness you just don't have the strength to nicely educate them on your disorder without throwing a few choice words in the lesson.
1. Most of the time if you make it obvious that you see them staring, they'll stop due to embarrassment of just how much of a jerk they are. So look at them back.
2. If number 1 don't work because of some reason such as, they're too mesmerized by your beauty to even notice you're looking back, googly eyes work as well!
3. If the first two don't work- flipping 'em the finger almost always works!. Since my fingers don't stretch out all the way my middle one of course is a little bent but I promise you it does its job well! It's a trooper. :)
4.If none of the above work, its time to get ugly. haha! Kidding!...A little.

I've wrote about the negatives but there truly are positives!

I appreciate peoples personalities.
I'm so much stronger than I think I would be if I didn't have this condition.
I'm very in tune with my body.
I appreciate the small things.
I try my best not to judge people until I get to know them.
I've forced myself to be outgoing.
I've realized I love teaching people about my disorder.
I've learned to defend myself and other people.
I'm very opinionated.
I'm very close to God, although I could def. be closer.

Theres so many other positives but thats all I could think of at this very minute. It may be hard for some people to understand but I do consider my skin disorder a blessing, not a curse. I believe I'm meant to make difference and thats what I intend to do somehow or another. Questions or comments? Let me know! :)

 

Bloom where you are planted..

This ain't an week for me at all. I'm supposed to be hitting that "TOM" this week, I'm already pretty sure this month wasn't  our month and even though I've known that all along, it still sucks. Also, another girl I went to school with is now pregnant... Are you kidding me? She'll be a great mom, no doubt but geeze everyone that comes up pregnant, feels like a slap in the face for me!

On a semi-positive note, Curt and I had a long heartfelt conversation Monday night and we decided that we're going to wait on the fertility & ovulation apps because right now, that's only hurting me. We're just letting nature do its business I reckon... Its hard but that's what's best... Atleast for now.

Our apartment isn't good for a child, its barely good for me, Curt & Max! Lol... But I've been thinking alot and have decided I've GOT to get out of this negative funk! I've never been a negative person & I refuse to start now. I've got amazing people in my life, a roof over my head & food in my belly.. That's more than some people will ever have. I'm so unbelievably blessed so I need to quit all this whining and get it together! That's just what I'm going to do! :)

I hardly ever get on Pinterest seeing as how I don't have a crafty bone in my body, haha- but I did today and found this little picture & loved it! Really fits me right now. :)

Blog here, blog there.

So I'm beginning to fall in love with blogging, its a fantastic way to vent, spread useful information and kill time. I'm trying to decide if Blogger is THE blogging site for me. I was thinking about trying out Wordpress? I'm planning on creating an account on there as well.as doing research today on the site. What exactly made you choose this particular blogging site? I'd love to know any information on any blogging site. Thanks :)

Not a happy day in this neighborhood

I hate our current neighborhood! We went two streets down to the closest grocery store around us, all we needed was milk and bread... Well Curt went in, me and Maximus stayed in the truck... I saw 12-15 kids ranging from 5yrs to 18yrs old go in all at once and soon they started coming out two at a time, of course it looked suspicious to me but I didn't think much of it, it wasn't my business. When Curt came out he told me he saw them stealing. What the heck? I can't stand thieves! We, my family, friends and husband (I'm a stay at home wife) work damn HARD for our money they're steadily making the cost of things get higher because they didn't wanna fork out 75 cents for a Hersey bar. Ticks me off! 

A week ago we heard a gunshot that was obviously close by then sirens almost immediately after. The apartment right below us was broke into a week before that... THEN we recently watched three cops arrest three people in the set of apartments in front of us for car theft. Needless to say we're both ready to get out of here asap.

We now have a plan- Our lease should be up in December so until then we're not going to make trips to Wynne or Newport unless its necessary (holidays, doctor, emergency etc..), we're not going to eat out at all and we're gonna try our best to save money! It's definitely hard to save money when you're just starting out but I don't have a doubt in my mind that we can do it... I  know we can! Hell, we have to.

If worse comes to worse and have no other choice to stay here, we're investing in more locks and guns. To alot of people, that sounds extreme but thats because you haven't been living with us. I, of course, wouldn't ever ever never ever use a gun unless I needed to (a break-in) but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Luckily I'm a pretty badass shooter. ;)

Curt starts night classes for his job in October which makes me even more nervous. He wont be getting home until late. I don't think you should ever feel unsafe in your home! I will not even consider the option of raising a baby here... The town isn't too bad, I'd much rather live in Newport or Wynne but I'd settle for here if need be, just not in this particular area.

  

Mommys best friend!

If you follow me on any social site, you know I L.O.V.E my Weenie Dog (Dachshund), Maximus. I've recently been told more than  once that I am "too attached" to him... I beg to differ. You've got your kids, Ive got my puppy. If you've ever really owned and spent time with a dog you know that they all have their own personalities just like humans. You've got to take him outside, make sure he has food and water, make sure hes eating and drinking enough but not too much (esp for dachshunds) and make sure he has playtime.

Max and I stay home all day until 3:30pm by ourselves, it's safe to say Ive grown pretty attached to him! Hes just like a baby- even sits own his butt leaned on the back of the couch to watch TV & crys and looks out the window when his daddy leaves. If you have spent time with a dog and not cared about it at all, you may need to seek a therapist.. Honest.

He's so much more than a "dog"... He's my best friend, dairy, son and sometimes my dress-up dog ;)..
So to say I'm too attached? You're probably right. I think God that I am because he and Curt keeps me sane in this old apartment. Love them!

You can't have a testimony without a test

Its the little things that hurt...

As you probably know, we're trying to concieve (ttc). Well tonight my grandma called me and told me that someone I used to be really close to and its my age is pregnant! As if its not already HELL for me to get on Facebook, twitter, YouTube, etc. because everyone is having babies. Its to the point that I'd much rater send curt into Walmart by himself cause its hard for me to see someone else with a beautiful little blessing that I may not can have.

We've only been trying a little over a month but every week drags on and I'm 99.8% sure that nothing "took" this month. I've done all kinds of research, downloaded fertility apps, prayed, prayed & prayed. It irritates me to no end how 14-16 year old girls can have sex with some random "Joe Blow" over there and get pregnant so easily! Before you get your undies in a knot, no I'm not saying young moms can't be great moms (my sister in law is a teen mom and is doing a GREAT job!), I'm just saying its so easy for them.

The girl I mentioned earlier is on drugs, we aren't just talking about pot & she's pretty far along. She's steadily in jail, so is the dad & she has no job. Are you kidding me?

Am I jealous? Hell yeah I am! Not jealous of her life by any means but of the baby that she gets to love and hopefully take care of! No matter how much she hurts that sweet baby before its even born, it will still love her unconditionally. If ya ask me, she doesn't deserve it. That's not for me to decide, everything is in Gods hands. I truly wish the girl and baby the best if luck. No baby deserves a strung out mom or harmful substances in its system. I really do pray that the girl gets her head on straight!

All this plus the fact that I feel awful due to weather change makes it almost impossible to keep my head up but I have God, my family, Curt & Max to be happy for so I really have no choice. It may not seem like it reading this post but i really do love my life!

I have a fantastic family, husband, perfect puppy & I'm steadily trying to improve my relationship with God... Even though I may fall back more than I should.

Anyway, please say a prayer for us tonight! Thank you very much.  :)

I'm not sure who wrote this beautiful poem but i love it!

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Sex and ghettos.

<p>I have 2 apps telling me when I'm fertile and ovulating, I've never figured an app would get it right but since they both have the same days, I'm alot more convinced! All my days were last week, needless to say it was a heck of a week! TMI? Probably! Haha</p>
<p>We've decided we're getting the heck out of Jonesboro ASAP... This town is way too big! We like our apartment pretty well (if you block out the ghosts and crap, ha!) but the neighborhood is awful. It started out pretty good then went to crap very quickly. It's a college town and we live right beside the college. It's gotten much worse since school gas started.</p>
<p>The apartment right below us got broken into and we hear police and ambulance sirens atleast twice a day, no exaggeration needed. Then get this- we were cooking supper, talking, minding own business then we hear gun shots down the road....then more sirens. Are you kidding me? </p>
<p>I'm home alone during the day with Max so I'm pretty jumpy about noises outside.. Yesterday I was putting lotion on and heard a bunch of racket outside so I rushed to put on my Eyore footie jammies, grabbed my gun, locked Max in the bathroom and went and checked outside. Luckily it was only our neighbors fighting but could ya imagine breaking into an apartment and ur faced with a 5'2" red girl in footie pj's aimin a gun atchya? Yeah, I'm pretty much a badass. (<- true story)

Obviously this is no place to raise a baby so we'll hopefully find a house in my hometown by the time our lease is up.. 3 months left!

Also, it's my little sisters birthday Saturday! The big twelve years old! I love her SO much, I can honestly say she's one of my BEST friends! To me, she'll always be that curly afro headed baby that used to come in my room crying, holding my hand after I got in trouble & got a whoopin! I was a smart mouth haha. But in reality she's growing up, I hate it!

Me and Curt went with her on a date last Friday & met her BOYFRIEND! He's a great boy but come on now, boyfriend? Ugh. :(  I def. grilled him though - "Do ya like school? Grades good? What kinda music do ya like? How many siblings? Do you smoke, drink, dip?" He's 14. I might have gotten carried away a little but can't have a delinquent dating my sister! But thank God he seems pretty dang good! So sweet to Hailey which is my main worry! Hes passed the test so far! Haha.